I seem to have to come back to this lesson over and over again - trusting. Time and time again, I vow to put God first and just trust Him. And yet, I seem to take control back and act like I can do it all by myself.
Instead of beating myself up about it this time, I'm just going to laugh at my bossy, type A personality, and hand over control. I know God isn't mad at me for trying to be in control. I know He's just been waiting for me to realize (again) that things go better when He's in control and I actively acknowledge that He's got it.
I think the Message translation of these verses helps my understanding:
"Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. Don't assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil! Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life! Honor God with everything you own; give him the first and the best. Your barns will burst, your wine vats will brim over. But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline; don't sulk under his loving correction. It's the child he loves that God corrects; a father's delight is behind all this." (Proverbs 3:5-12, MSG)
Isn't it amazing that we don't have to figure out everything by ourselves? Even though I need reminders to let God have control, I know He always comes through for me. I'm still a little bit surprised that I moved across the country to go to school. I thought I would stay in my hometown forever. When it came to deciding on a school, I decided to trust God. I applied to 11 grad schools... (Crazy, I know...that was 16 applications!). My heart was set on University of Washington, where I did my undergrad. I was already comfortable there. For me, it was the safe option.
But, I felt God calling me somewhere else... And that scared me a lot. I asked Him to just take the UW option off the table completely if I wasn't supposed to go there. It's true that UW often doesn't take their own undergrads in my program, but it's rare not to at least get wait-listed.
The e-mail (they don't send letters) came... And I opened it, hoping that I wasn't about to go somewhere else. God answered my question.... I didn't even get wait-listed. I managed to hold it together, since I was at work, but later I questioned why I was rejected. And God didn't give me an answer right away.
I watched my other options close to home disappear... And a couple days later, my Mom called to tell me I had a letter from Penn State. I begged her to just open it with me on the phone because I was tired of reading rejection letters. Penn State was a school I'd dreamed about going, but I never felt like it could actually happen. My Mom read me the answer - YES! I don't think I've ever screamed so loud...
So I moved across the country. And I know God had everything taken care of and under control. I'm so grateful for everything He has blessed me with.
Being human, I'll never be perfect. I know I'll need to be reminded of this control issue again, but I also know that even when I try to push God aside, He's always there.
"God is bigger than the air I breathe
The world we'll leave
God will save the day and all will say
My glorious!"
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