Today, I decided to go to a talk about relationships. Once I decided to go, all the lies that I've been fighting came back and hit me with such force that I almost backed out of going because I was freaking out. The biggest one being "Why would you want to go to that? You are so messed up... You in a relationship? Nobody will ever want to put up with you..."
You, you, you, you...
I recognized the lie. Satan accuses us. But I wasn't going to let him win tonight, so I went. A bit skeptical still, because what could they possibly say to me?
But it was amazing. Just letting go and worshipping was awesome. Really listening to the speakers was wonderful.
I really didn't want to cry anymore tonight, but once they sent the guys out of the room, well that was the end of that. I walked over to one of the members of the prayer team, who I recognized from the Removing the Stones retreat. She also remembered me. She also remembered me because I shared my story at Calvary on Campus. She reminded me that He already has redeemed so much of that and He's not done yet. It's a powerful story.
I admitted that I felt worthless. I just want to be noticed...
She prayed with me. And told me that she felt God wanted me to know that He did create this desire I have to be seen. To be noticed. And if I would just turn to Him, He would fulfill that. And no guy is ever going to fill that God-shaped hole.
So here we go... I have to keep reminding myself that God's timing is perfect. He's going to take care of it all. It's not my time table... (Because if it was, well...it'd be a little quicker.) ;-) But...I trust He knows what He's doing.
"This is where the healing begins
Oh, this is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark"
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