Carry Me

Day 3...

The journaling assignment for today was to think about the lies you believe about yourself.  Oh perfect... That'll be easy.  And sadly, it was.  Then came the hard part, finding Bible verses to combat the lies.  It took much longer than I expected.

There was one lie already listed in the book and a truth to fight it too.
"Everyone leaves and cannot be trusted."
- "I will never leave you nor forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5)

And yes, to some extent I believe that lie from time to time.  Especially in relationships.  I have a terrible time trusting people.

And then I started to list mine...

"Nobody will ever love me."
- "We love, because He first loved us." (1 John 4:19)

He loved me first.  And really...isn't His love the greatest?

"I feel worthless."
- "Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not worth much more than they?" (Matthew 6:26)

If God has the time to care about the birds, then He certainly cares about me.  (Refrain from the name jokes...)

"God can't use me because I haven't been a "good" Christian."
- "Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."  (Philippians 3:13-14)

Forget... Yesterday is history.  (Oh hey, look at that...)  The only perfect person to walk the earth was Jesus.  So, of course God can use me, imperfection and all. (Otherwise, I don't think a whole lot would get done if He only used perfect people.)

"I don't feel pretty."
- "I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them." (Psalm 139:14-16)

Woah... Now, I know I've written about beauty previously, but before you shout "hypocrite!" at me, know that while I've learned to accept myself more and more I still have days where I would like to be the tall, 90 pound dancer again.  And I know that most people would just brush it off and be like "shut up, you're so skinny."  Well...that's not helpful.  Your standards are not the same as mine.  And while I've lowered mine considerably, I still have days, like every other girl, where I would just like to change something...  But I will continue to trust that God made me the way that He wanted.  And finds me beautiful.

"I don't feel forgiven."
- "I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgression for My own sake, and I will not remember your sins." (Isaiah 43:25)

Jesus died...for me.  And my sins.  And He knew then all the things that I've done (and because I'm not perfect, all the ones that will happen in the future.)  But I am forgiven...

"I doubt..."
- "But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.  But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind.  For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord" (James 1:5-7)

Why do I doubt?  If I doubt that God can do it, then I guess I've put Him in a box to try to limit my own disappointment.  Doesn't He have a wonderful plan for me?

And I admit, I would love for all of this to be fixed...right now!  Actually...probably 30 seconds ago.  And all the other things I'm thinking about too.  If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm not very patient... I'm stubborn and tend to do things the hard way.  But, God's timing is perfect.

My friend, Ashley, sent me this verse today:

"Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord." (Psalm 27:14)

So I will wait.  I will wait for a time when I don't have to fight off the lies anymore.  Until then, I will wait and fight.

What lies are you believing?

I think "Carry Me" by Josh Wilson sums it up for me.  Unless I let God carry me, I'm not going to make it.

"Carry me, carry me, carry me now
From my sinking sand to Your solid ground
The only way I'm ever gonna make it out
Is if You carry me, carry me, carry me now
God carry me, carry me, carry me now."