Beautiful Things

I like this song...a lot.  I was happy to see that it was the song for today's devo time.

"You make me new
You are making me new"

I fully believe that.  Today, when I started to doubt myself, I went back to the verses I found yesterday and reread them.  I reminded myself that they are true.  I can see the changes He is making in me.

Last night in Missional Community, we were doing an activity where each of us talked about what we see in a specific person.  Pieces of paper with each person's name were shuffled and a random order was selected.  Because you can't rush these things, not everyone got their turn last night.  Now, I didn't know the order, but once the papers were shuffled, I had the feeling that I was going to be last.  Why?  Because I'm working on this whole patience thing and I thought that since I'm so anxious just to get it over with, of course my name would be the last one.

The first name was called, then the next...and the next...and the next...and pretty soon we were out of time.  I hadn't been called.  Our leader, Ash, said we would finish the rest next time and as he went to put the papers away I asked him "Is my name last?"

Turns out it was!  I was slightly frustrated because I hate waiting, but I also couldn't help laughing.  Okay, God, we can do this Your way...

And then, I think I've expressed my deep fear of praying out loud.  Oh... I dread being called on to pray in front of people.  And I will not volunteer to do it.  I have been known to say "no" on a few occasions too...  I stutter, I can't put together coherent sentences, and I'm pretty sure that everyone would just like me to shut up, so it's not like my prayers are long or anything, which then makes them almost seem pointless.

But... I did get called on last night.  And after some coaxing I said okay.

And you know what?  It was the first time...ever...that my heart rate didn't sky rocket and I didn't feel like I was going to have a panic attack.  I managed to form some sentences and get through it.  Was it the most beautiful, eloquent prayer?  Uh, probably not...  But at least I managed to get through it.

I'm not saying I'll be a prayer warrior any time soon, but hopefully I'll manage to pray when asked without freaking out.  :-)

"You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us"