Lay Me Down

Today was not a good day dealing with pain...

As I've said before, I'm always in pain, but some days are better than others.  And today everything hit me at once at the worst possible moment.

I was already fighting it when I got up this morning, but I went off to go lead worship.  Right before the service started, my back went out.  And I'm not talking just a little bit, but a lot.  I spotted Devon coming in and grabbed her and showed her how to get it back into place.  And it worked, until I got back up to play.  And it went out during the first song, which made me miss switching one of the voices for the keyboard...  Oops... I sucked it up and got back on track, but I really hate messing up.

I spent the time I didn't have to play on the floor, looking for some sort of relief, but nothing was working.  I tried all my stretches and exercises, but nothing helped.

In between services, Stacy, Phil, and Kelly prayed for me.  And then I had Kelly try to help me get it back into place.  And still through the first set, it was just as bad as before.

I decided that okay fine, no matter how I was feeling, I was still going to worship God just as much, despite the pain.  And it became a lesson in no matter how crummy I think things are or how bad I'm feeling, God still is deserving of all of my praise.  And He's still deserving even if my pain doesn't go away.

Before the second set, I'd given up that the pain was going to subside this morning, but I was still going to worship and just give everything over to God.

And you know what?  As I started playing the second set, my pain went away for the rest of the service.  It was all I needed.

I'm currently wearing all my braces.  I hate wearing them...  It still goes back to struggling with being vain and not liking the way they look.  But right now, I don't think I have a choice.  And they're helping me get through.  And all day, I know that even though this sucks, things really could be a lot worse.

I really am truly blessed.  I have so many people who deeply care about me.  I'm still so very grateful that I get to lead worship and be part of a wonderful team.

I don't know why this is something I have to deal with.  I may never know.  It may never go away.  But I'm not going to let it stop me from doing the things that I'm called to do.  As I've explained several times today, it's actually really bad for me to sit around on my injury.  I have to keep moving.  So that's what I'll do.  And I know that God will give me everything I need to do what He's called me to do.  He gave me what I needed and got me through this morning.  And I think it's amazing that He knows exactly what I need.

"I lay me down, I'm not my own
I belong to You alone
Lay me down, lay me down.
Hand on my heart this much is true
There's no life apart from You
Lay me down, lay me down."