You Alone Can Rescue

"I can't do this without You."

I sat backstage trying not to freak out before leading this morning.  I've gotten so used to singing harmony because that's what I get to do if I get to sing at all.  I can hide behind my keyboards and the tangled mess of cords strewn all over the floor.  But this morning I got to lead a song.  Lead... 

What was I worried about?  Hadn't I led countless songs before back in high school?  On some occasions I got the privilege of leading from the piano with the choir singing with me.  And then I walked away... And I haven't led since then.  Until today...

Funny how my life went off in the wrong direction in a theatre.  And funny how I go to church in a theatre now.  And was going to lead today.

I'm not saying that when I'm up there playing keyboards that I'm not leading worship.  I love it and I'm definitely worshipping.  I just felt the added pressure of now being the one leading the song.  Which, is something that I really wanted.  (And something I still really want to do again.)

But as I sat in the dark backstage, I wasn't so sure about my abilities.  How long had it been since I had sang lead?  A long time... And I tried to remember all my breathing techniques and warm-ups because I sure wasn't going to make it through some of those phrases without them.  And then it dawned on me... I couldn't do it.  I couldn't do it by myself.  

"I can't do this without You.  I need You, " I whispered in the dark.

And God showed up.  He was right there with me.  And I felt calm.  Whatever happened, I was going to worship.  It wasn't a performance.  I wasn't auditioning for anyone.  It was in His hands.

So I went out and worshipped.  Part way through the 2nd verse I jerked the ear bud out of my better ear - I didn't need to hear myself.  It didn't matter.  I was just going to sing like it was only me and God.  And you know what?  I made it through.  My knees may have been shaking slightly, but I made it... And I couldn't have done it without God.  

And I thought I was done with that lesson for the day.  But God had another idea...

I was printing some music when something fell into my lap.  It was the heart piece of the necklace I always wear.  

The necklace is engraved with the date I recommitted my life to Christ.  I have worn it every day since then.  Sometimes I don't take it off at all.  For me, it was a constant reminder that I belong to Jesus.  And it wasn't an easy decision to wear it every day.  If you know anything about me, you would know that I'm obsessed with anything sparkly and glittery.  I have tons of sparkly, glittery necklaces that I could wear instead.  And yet, I haven't worn them in a couple of years.  

Surprisingly when it broke today, I didn't freak out.  I might be a tiny bit disappointed.  I've worn it for so long...  But I felt like it was God's way of saying you don't need that.  I'm always with you.  And by the way, you can stop punishing yourself and take off the Tiffany's ring too...

After my last relationship ended horribly, I got the ring to remind myself I wasn't going to settle ever again.  And while it's worked in keeping me from just going after whatever comes my way, it also keeps me bitter.  

I'm tired of being bitter.  So here's the next step in letting go and moving on.  Perhaps, I shall still wear it from time to time, only because it's pretty, but it's not something I feel like I *have* to do anymore.  

I find again and again how much I need God.  I can't do this alone.

"Who, oh Lord, could save themselves, their own soul could heal?

Our shame was deeper than the sea - Your grace is deeper still

You alone can rescue, You alone can save

You alone can lift us from the grave

You came down to find us, led us out of death

To You alone belongs the highest praise"