"There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you"
Yeah, okay...whatever...
Those were my first thoughts upon hearing that song. I had always questioned a lot about my appearance. I had quite the list for God that, you know, if we could just tweak some things that would be great...
Like, I know that You just forgot to give me the blue eyes I wanted. I'd settle for green too, but brown? You've got to be kidding... How boring...
Or how about this height issue? I mean, I could settle for being 5'7". That'd be totally fine with me. I might actually be able to throw my jeans in the dryer without them becoming highwatered. Shirts too - then they wouldn't come out too short. I might actually be able to buy cute shoes that didn't make me look like the Jolly Green Giant.
And let's go back to the eyes for a minute... Did you know that my eyelids look like they're upside down unless I line them with black eyeliner differently? At least, so I've been told. And I've been told it just makes me look sad (without the eyeliner).
And my eyebrows never seem to match my hair color - natural or not...
I could go on...and on... and on...
Something just changed today though. Since coming back to Jesus, I have been trying to actually like myself and realize that He did create me just the way He wants. I still have some work to do.
Today, I was just tired. The last couple of weeks have been quite stressful with trying to frantically finish everything that has to be done this semester. I always make the effort to put on make up though. (I'd long since given up on my hair this semester...)
And let me say before I go on, that I am NOT demonizing make up. I get so irritated when other Christian women get all up in arms over "make up." I do not think it is sinful. I think it is FUN. I get to play with color and just have fun. It's stress relieving for me. I could care less if other people wear it and I would never push anyone else to wear it. In fact, when people ask me to do their make up, I make sure to do what they want. Because for most people, my make up is a little out there and crazy, which I like. Rant over... Moving on...
Anyways, I just didn't put on make up today. And I actually went out without it on. And by the time I had returned home, I forgot that I hadn't put any on. And then I looked in the mirror.
Instead of going "ew," which is the usual reaction, I went "wow."
As I looked, my list of "complaints" seemed to resolve.
Blue or green eyes would probably look pretty silly on me. Depending on the color I wear, my eyes are either almost black or chocolate brown with a hint of red. They are outlined with a black ring and one has a freckle. As for the eyelids, well who cares? Now you just have to guess what I'm thinking, but you'll probably have no idea unless you ask me. ;-) My eyebrows make it so that I can have any hair color I want. Awesome. Height-wise... Well I save money on laundry haha. It is kinda fun being tall too.
I listen to that song again. "I wish that you could see that beauty is within your heart." Wow... The lyrics hit home... The video is pretty cool too: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ks3R2BwyO0
I just want to be content with who I am - who God made me to be. He doesn't make mistakes. He certainly doesn't need my list of "fixes." Recently, I've really been considering how messed up my life would be if I was in charge; if I was able to just tell God that I want x, y, and z and I want it now. I'm all for asking God for the desires of your heart, but sometimes I'm glad He says "not yet" or even "no."
Thus, to conclude my ramble, I do know that God made me exactly the way He wanted. Who am I to question that? So I shall be content... Will I stop wearing make up? No... I find it entertaining. I'll not be so judgmental of myself though.
Yesterday is history...
<3 ~Raevynn~
No comments:
Post a Comment