While doing devotions, a million thoughts came to mind about what to journal and write about today. As 2012 comes to a close, I pondered everything I've learned this past year and what God's calling me to do in 2013. And I've been so blessed in the past year. But what to write about?
And I felt God say "Be still..."
Psalms 46:10 says "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
How often are we just still? How often do we come before God and just marvel at how awesome He is?
For me, I know the answer is not very often... I try to read my Bible everyday and spend time praying, but how often do I just stop everything I'm doing or worrying about everything I have to do and just wait?
Isn't it silly to spend so much time worrying? He's got it all under control. As I look back over the year, I see that He definitely had my life under control. There was no way I could've gotten through everything that had to happen without Him.
So tonight, instead of wondering (and worrying) about everything that 2013 is going to bring, I will just be still. And know that whatever happens, He's got it under control.
"Still, still, still
One can hear the falling snow"
Monday, December 31, 2012
Sunday, December 30, 2012
All I Need to Be
I can barely walk today.
And I don't mean oh it hurts a little bit, I mean that I can't move at all without being in excruciating pain.
I hate admitting that I'm in pain 24/7. Most of the time I'm pretty good at faking it. Most people don't know and I like it that way. The last quarter of my senior year of college, I moved wrong in jazz (dance) class and injured my back permanently. Since then, I figure out what I need to do each day to get by, but I manage to figure out how to do it without asking for help. Because I don't like asking and I don't want people to think I'm weak.
Today was no exception. Even with my family I don't like asking for help. Today I was supposed to go shopping with my sister. I quickly realized that there was no way I could go frolicking around the mall today, but I was still going to try. My mom had already figured out that there was no way I could go and she and my sister talked. My sister was okay with not going. I still have a few days here that we can go together.
My mom told me that I was just going to have to start asking for help. And in whining to Jenny, Devon, and Emily about it...well they basically all backed her up.
I went and just started thinking about what it's like to live with pain. Being jealous of those who don't and have no idea what it's like. As I flipped through my bookmarks, I landed on this one:
"A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." -Proverbs 14:30
I must admit, I don't have all the answers of how to deal with this. I probably never will, but after some thought, I do know that I can make the best of the situation and live my life for God's glory and do what He calls me to do. And I can do it joyfully, despite everything else going on. Because if I sit around and feel sorry for myself, haven't I wasted my life? I don't want to waste my life - the gift that Jesus gave to me. He traded His life for mine. And I want Him to use my life for His glory. He made me all I need to be.
So, I will have to start asking for help once in a while. And in the wise (paraphrased) words of my friend Emily - "Sometimes it has to be done. You're not asking for too much. And if they think you're trying to get attention, then they're not your friend."
Lots to think about...
"Take me beyond what I can see
Break me, make me believe
That You have made me all I need to be"
And I don't mean oh it hurts a little bit, I mean that I can't move at all without being in excruciating pain.
I hate admitting that I'm in pain 24/7. Most of the time I'm pretty good at faking it. Most people don't know and I like it that way. The last quarter of my senior year of college, I moved wrong in jazz (dance) class and injured my back permanently. Since then, I figure out what I need to do each day to get by, but I manage to figure out how to do it without asking for help. Because I don't like asking and I don't want people to think I'm weak.
Today was no exception. Even with my family I don't like asking for help. Today I was supposed to go shopping with my sister. I quickly realized that there was no way I could go frolicking around the mall today, but I was still going to try. My mom had already figured out that there was no way I could go and she and my sister talked. My sister was okay with not going. I still have a few days here that we can go together.
My mom told me that I was just going to have to start asking for help. And in whining to Jenny, Devon, and Emily about it...well they basically all backed her up.
I went and just started thinking about what it's like to live with pain. Being jealous of those who don't and have no idea what it's like. As I flipped through my bookmarks, I landed on this one:
"A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." -Proverbs 14:30
I must admit, I don't have all the answers of how to deal with this. I probably never will, but after some thought, I do know that I can make the best of the situation and live my life for God's glory and do what He calls me to do. And I can do it joyfully, despite everything else going on. Because if I sit around and feel sorry for myself, haven't I wasted my life? I don't want to waste my life - the gift that Jesus gave to me. He traded His life for mine. And I want Him to use my life for His glory. He made me all I need to be.
So, I will have to start asking for help once in a while. And in the wise (paraphrased) words of my friend Emily - "Sometimes it has to be done. You're not asking for too much. And if they think you're trying to get attention, then they're not your friend."
Lots to think about...
"Take me beyond what I can see
Break me, make me believe
That You have made me all I need to be"
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Like an Avalanche
"So do you desire to worship the only One who's worth it? Or does your heart say "No, I'd rather worship me"?
I came across this in devotionals a couple of days ago... And it has been haunting me ever since. The one that I'm currently working on has been going through the Christmas story. (See related video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAHxobkRVR4) So how did this topic come up? Well, in Matthew 2:1-12, we learn of the Wisemen who saw the star and went to worship Jesus. Now, I know that they weren't there on that very night like many nativity scenes portray, but they're still important. Their response is important. They made the long journey just to come worship Jesus.
Would I have done that? I know what I'd like my answer to be - of course! But...how hard is it for me to even try to read my Bible every day? Even when I'm not missing days, aren't there those days too where I just do it because I "have to" and then I can check it off the list and move on with my day?
Later on in the devotional, this is what I found: "When you worship God, are you giving Him your very best? Are you just going through the motions? Or does every fiber of your being crave the presence of God to the point that you cannot help yourself in crying out and worshipping the Creator of the universe?"
That made me think even more about my attitude. I enjoy serving on the worship team at church. But are there days where I'm just "going through the motions?" Often I find my nose buried in my music trying to play all the right notes and do everything perfectly. Certainly worship teams should practice and play well, as clashing wrong notes can be distracting to those trying to worship. Isn't the other extreme of treating it like a jury (fellow music majors know what I'm talking about) or a recital distracting too?
Lots to think about, I suppose. And part of me just wants to say "Okay, here are the steps I need to take to fix this..." But I don't think that that's the way to go about it either. I just need... grace. And that's already been given to me. So I will continue to seek God in all that I'm doing. Nothing else really matters unless He's in it. And I will just sign off with these lyrics by Hillsong United. They've been running through my head for a while...
And I find myself here on my knees again
Caught in up grace like an avalanche
Nothing compares to this love, love, love
Burning in my heart
Take my life
Take all that I am
With all that I am I will love You
Take my heart
Take all that I have
Jesus, how I adore You
I came across this in devotionals a couple of days ago... And it has been haunting me ever since. The one that I'm currently working on has been going through the Christmas story. (See related video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAHxobkRVR4) So how did this topic come up? Well, in Matthew 2:1-12, we learn of the Wisemen who saw the star and went to worship Jesus. Now, I know that they weren't there on that very night like many nativity scenes portray, but they're still important. Their response is important. They made the long journey just to come worship Jesus.
Would I have done that? I know what I'd like my answer to be - of course! But...how hard is it for me to even try to read my Bible every day? Even when I'm not missing days, aren't there those days too where I just do it because I "have to" and then I can check it off the list and move on with my day?
Later on in the devotional, this is what I found: "When you worship God, are you giving Him your very best? Are you just going through the motions? Or does every fiber of your being crave the presence of God to the point that you cannot help yourself in crying out and worshipping the Creator of the universe?"
That made me think even more about my attitude. I enjoy serving on the worship team at church. But are there days where I'm just "going through the motions?" Often I find my nose buried in my music trying to play all the right notes and do everything perfectly. Certainly worship teams should practice and play well, as clashing wrong notes can be distracting to those trying to worship. Isn't the other extreme of treating it like a jury (fellow music majors know what I'm talking about) or a recital distracting too?
Lots to think about, I suppose. And part of me just wants to say "Okay, here are the steps I need to take to fix this..." But I don't think that that's the way to go about it either. I just need... grace. And that's already been given to me. So I will continue to seek God in all that I'm doing. Nothing else really matters unless He's in it. And I will just sign off with these lyrics by Hillsong United. They've been running through my head for a while...
And I find myself here on my knees again
Caught in up grace like an avalanche
Nothing compares to this love, love, love
Burning in my heart
Take my life
Take all that I am
With all that I am I will love You
Take my heart
Take all that I have
Jesus, how I adore You
A More Beautiful You
"There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you"
Yeah, okay...whatever...
Those were my first thoughts upon hearing that song. I had always questioned a lot about my appearance. I had quite the list for God that, you know, if we could just tweak some things that would be great...
Like, I know that You just forgot to give me the blue eyes I wanted. I'd settle for green too, but brown? You've got to be kidding... How boring...
Or how about this height issue? I mean, I could settle for being 5'7". That'd be totally fine with me. I might actually be able to throw my jeans in the dryer without them becoming highwatered. Shirts too - then they wouldn't come out too short. I might actually be able to buy cute shoes that didn't make me look like the Jolly Green Giant.
And let's go back to the eyes for a minute... Did you know that my eyelids look like they're upside down unless I line them with black eyeliner differently? At least, so I've been told. And I've been told it just makes me look sad (without the eyeliner).
And my eyebrows never seem to match my hair color - natural or not...
I could go on...and on... and on...
Something just changed today though. Since coming back to Jesus, I have been trying to actually like myself and realize that He did create me just the way He wants. I still have some work to do.
Today, I was just tired. The last couple of weeks have been quite stressful with trying to frantically finish everything that has to be done this semester. I always make the effort to put on make up though. (I'd long since given up on my hair this semester...)
And let me say before I go on, that I am NOT demonizing make up. I get so irritated when other Christian women get all up in arms over "make up." I do not think it is sinful. I think it is FUN. I get to play with color and just have fun. It's stress relieving for me. I could care less if other people wear it and I would never push anyone else to wear it. In fact, when people ask me to do their make up, I make sure to do what they want. Because for most people, my make up is a little out there and crazy, which I like. Rant over... Moving on...
Anyways, I just didn't put on make up today. And I actually went out without it on. And by the time I had returned home, I forgot that I hadn't put any on. And then I looked in the mirror.
Instead of going "ew," which is the usual reaction, I went "wow."
As I looked, my list of "complaints" seemed to resolve.
Blue or green eyes would probably look pretty silly on me. Depending on the color I wear, my eyes are either almost black or chocolate brown with a hint of red. They are outlined with a black ring and one has a freckle. As for the eyelids, well who cares? Now you just have to guess what I'm thinking, but you'll probably have no idea unless you ask me. ;-) My eyebrows make it so that I can have any hair color I want. Awesome. Height-wise... Well I save money on laundry haha. It is kinda fun being tall too.
I listen to that song again. "I wish that you could see that beauty is within your heart." Wow... The lyrics hit home... The video is pretty cool too: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ks3R2BwyO0
I just want to be content with who I am - who God made me to be. He doesn't make mistakes. He certainly doesn't need my list of "fixes." Recently, I've really been considering how messed up my life would be if I was in charge; if I was able to just tell God that I want x, y, and z and I want it now. I'm all for asking God for the desires of your heart, but sometimes I'm glad He says "not yet" or even "no."
Thus, to conclude my ramble, I do know that God made me exactly the way He wanted. Who am I to question that? So I shall be content... Will I stop wearing make up? No... I find it entertaining. I'll not be so judgmental of myself though.
Yesterday is history...
<3 ~Raevynn~
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you"
Yeah, okay...whatever...
Those were my first thoughts upon hearing that song. I had always questioned a lot about my appearance. I had quite the list for God that, you know, if we could just tweak some things that would be great...
Like, I know that You just forgot to give me the blue eyes I wanted. I'd settle for green too, but brown? You've got to be kidding... How boring...
Or how about this height issue? I mean, I could settle for being 5'7". That'd be totally fine with me. I might actually be able to throw my jeans in the dryer without them becoming highwatered. Shirts too - then they wouldn't come out too short. I might actually be able to buy cute shoes that didn't make me look like the Jolly Green Giant.
And let's go back to the eyes for a minute... Did you know that my eyelids look like they're upside down unless I line them with black eyeliner differently? At least, so I've been told. And I've been told it just makes me look sad (without the eyeliner).
And my eyebrows never seem to match my hair color - natural or not...
I could go on...and on... and on...
Something just changed today though. Since coming back to Jesus, I have been trying to actually like myself and realize that He did create me just the way He wants. I still have some work to do.
Today, I was just tired. The last couple of weeks have been quite stressful with trying to frantically finish everything that has to be done this semester. I always make the effort to put on make up though. (I'd long since given up on my hair this semester...)
And let me say before I go on, that I am NOT demonizing make up. I get so irritated when other Christian women get all up in arms over "make up." I do not think it is sinful. I think it is FUN. I get to play with color and just have fun. It's stress relieving for me. I could care less if other people wear it and I would never push anyone else to wear it. In fact, when people ask me to do their make up, I make sure to do what they want. Because for most people, my make up is a little out there and crazy, which I like. Rant over... Moving on...
Anyways, I just didn't put on make up today. And I actually went out without it on. And by the time I had returned home, I forgot that I hadn't put any on. And then I looked in the mirror.
Instead of going "ew," which is the usual reaction, I went "wow."
As I looked, my list of "complaints" seemed to resolve.
Blue or green eyes would probably look pretty silly on me. Depending on the color I wear, my eyes are either almost black or chocolate brown with a hint of red. They are outlined with a black ring and one has a freckle. As for the eyelids, well who cares? Now you just have to guess what I'm thinking, but you'll probably have no idea unless you ask me. ;-) My eyebrows make it so that I can have any hair color I want. Awesome. Height-wise... Well I save money on laundry haha. It is kinda fun being tall too.
I listen to that song again. "I wish that you could see that beauty is within your heart." Wow... The lyrics hit home... The video is pretty cool too: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ks3R2BwyO0
I just want to be content with who I am - who God made me to be. He doesn't make mistakes. He certainly doesn't need my list of "fixes." Recently, I've really been considering how messed up my life would be if I was in charge; if I was able to just tell God that I want x, y, and z and I want it now. I'm all for asking God for the desires of your heart, but sometimes I'm glad He says "not yet" or even "no."
Thus, to conclude my ramble, I do know that God made me exactly the way He wanted. Who am I to question that? So I shall be content... Will I stop wearing make up? No... I find it entertaining. I'll not be so judgmental of myself though.
Yesterday is history...
<3 ~Raevynn~
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