After All (Holy)

Since getting a TENS unit, I'd forgotten to some extent what excruciating pain felt like.  I want to clarify that even though it helps tremendously, it doesn't make everything magically better.  It just takes the edge off, which is enough for me and I'm grateful for that.  (It's better than nothing!)

Well, everything tends to fluctuate and over the past couple of days I could feel it coming.  I sucked it up and put on my fashionable braces, wore my stylish TENS unit, and then tried not to do anything that was going to aggravate things further.  Things seemed fine.  I was even good and went for a walk today.  I settled down to do a bunch of paperwork and WHAM!  It felt like someone had taken a sledgehammer to my spine and shattered it into a trillion pieces...

I sank down to the floor and ended up all sprawled out for the next hour and half.  At first, the only thought that crossed my mind was why?  Why did I feel like I did right after the dance injury or the workplace incident?  I hadn't done anything.  I was sitting down!  I was wearing the stupid electrical stim.  This wasn't supposed to happen!  It was supposed to fix everything!

In the past, I would've directed my anger towards God.  (Anybody who's read this long enough/knows me really well knows that I tend to try to have power struggles with God...frequently.) I can't say that it's because of anything I consciously decided to do, but all I could think of were the words to After All (Holy):

"You are Holy
Oh Holy
Holy, Holy, Holy

Heaven and earth are full, full of Your glory, Your glory
My soul it overflows, full of Your glory, Your glory
Blessed is He who reigns, full of Your glory, Your glory
My cup, it can't contain all of Your glory, Your glory
Hosanna we are found after all You are..." 

And I just prayed... God, just get me through this.  I don't really want to spend the rest of the evening on the floor.

A little while later my roommate came home and we talked.  Yes, I tried everything that normally works.  And it's apparently just going to be one of those days where nothing does.  We talked about what's going on this week and everything that needs to get done.  (I'm so excited for worship team this week!)  And I'm not one to jump to the conclusion that every time something bad happens it must be a spiritual attack, but the possibility did cross my mind.  She also thought that might be a possibility.  She left me with this verse: "Turn my eyes from worthless things, and give me life through your word" (Psalm 119:37).  Well, pain is a worthless thing to dwell on... And I know the only way I'm going to get through is relying on God - who is holy, glorious, and in complete control.  

The Digital Age - After All (Holy)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqgJ9OCy3Kg

"Light arises in the darkness for the upright; He is gracious and compassionate and righteous" (Psalm 112:4).