There have been some dark times this year. The same insecurities that I thought I had dealt with seem to creep up time and time again when I least expect it. Though I've learned and continue to learn how to fight through many of those situations, I do recall recently explaining to one of my dear friends that dark thoughts about life and if it is even worth it are never far. And how I think and feel that there is still shame attached to admitting that in Christian circles. Because, after all, if you were truly trusting in Jesus, you wouldn't have to deal with that deep depression. Why are we so quick to judge someone when she has the courage to say "I'm not okay?" The truth is, while I do believe in healing and that I could one day never have to deal with this again, I also know that this could be something that I have to face in this life because it isn't perfect. While this may seem extremely unfair, I've come to realize that everyone has difficult situations and circumstances to face in life.
I know I've written before that I think God never gives you more than you can handle. Lately, I think there is still truth in that, but with a little amendment. God may give you more than you can handle. Why? Because He wants you to just look up! He wants you to realize that He's still there and He loves you so much more than you could ever even imagine! Nothing that comes our way is too big for God to handle. And sometimes it takes a lot to get our attention.
The song that got me through much of last year was Nichole Nordeman's version of Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus (Look Up). Spotify calculated that it was my most played song last year. Her version's lyrics speak of turning over all the broken pieces of our lives and watching what Jesus does with them. We just need to look up at Him!
It reminds me of when Jesus walked on water and he called Peter out to him. Peter got out of the boat and took some steps, but the second he looked away from Jesus, he started to sink. He doubted and took his eyes off Jesus. He just needed to look up.
I trust that God is going to get me through whatever 2015 throws my way. I know that there will be a lot of carry over from 2014 and I can't change that, but I can change my outlook on it. I'm tired of being bitter. I'm tired of complaining constantly. I'm tired of fighting. But I will press on and trust that God will be with me and that He has everything under control. And things may not turn out the way I want, but God's plan is always better.
I got a special surprise this evening from one of my fellow worship leaders. He sent me a new song (It is Well) to learn to lead the next time my team is on for worship. I'm so excited! It's an amazing song and right now it really speaks to where I'm at with everything. I wouldn't be surprised if it is one of my most played songs for this year. The pre chorus lyrics are beautiful:
"And through it all, through it all, my eyes are on You.
And through it all, through it all, it is well.
And through it all, through it all, my eyes are on You.
And it is well with me."
I pray that I will remember to keep my eyes on Him this year, no matter what happens. Through it all, it is well.
*********************************************************************************
If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts and are in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus (Look Up): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBfHUrLGzNY
It Is Well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNqo4Un2uZI
Scripture: Matthew 14:22-33
No comments:
Post a Comment