What a year... It's been hard, but there are still so many things to be thankful for!
I'm so thankful for my roommates! Laurie and Kaitlyn, I love you guys and feel like we've been friends for years! Though home can be stressful to come home to (what else is broken now?!), it's so awesome to live with the two of you. I love our conversations, both serious and very silly. And how we make sure Thursday evenings are clear because we have to watch our show together!
I'm thankful for my co-workers, especially Michele, Staci, Helen, Missy, Kaylyn, Carol, and Wendy. You guys keep me going even when I'm not sure that I can. You remind me why I'm there and why I first fell in love with speech therapy - it's for the kids and that's who I get up and fight for every day. I'm grateful for the support that I have found from people that I didn't even know would have my back.
To my worship team - Sarah, Bruce, Greg, Eric, Phil, Steve, Ashley, Gabe, Ronnie, Logan, Breanna, and so many others, you have become a second family to me. I truly enjoy getting to worship with you all. Thanks for putting up with me when I get so focused on having everything perfect. I've learned so much from you all. Love you guys!
Paige, I'm so thankful for your friendship! I'm glad that I can bounce speech ideas off you and discuss therapy techniques. I'm grateful that we can just pick up where we left off when we actually get to see each other and even if we haven't talked in a while, it's like the conversation never stopped. Love ya!
Jenny, I'm very thankful for you! Even though you're so far away and we don't get to talk as often as I would like, you get me and still come through for me. I can always count on you to be there to support me in anything. Thank you for your friendship. Love you, cupcake! ;-)
To my family, I love you! You guys are so supportive of me and embrace my dreams, no matter how silly they may be. It's difficult to be so far away and coming home is one of the best feelings in the whole world! (Lily's snuggles help too!)
Lastly, but most importantly, I'm thankful for Jesus Christ as my Savior. I'm grateful for His love and glorious grace. I'm thankful that nothing can separate me from Him.
Thursday, November 27, 2014
Saturday, November 15, 2014
Hurt
So...here we go... The holiday season is approaching! I'm excited to see family and friends I don't get to see very often. I really love this time of the year.
But there is something about this time of the year that I dread... The endless nosy questions about my love life, or lack of one, and then comes the countless attempts to set me up with...well any living, breathing single male that may or may not have anything even kind of in common with me.
Maybe this sounds extremely bitter. Or you think I'm coming from a place of jealousy for everyone who has found their 'someone.' But that's not the case at all. In fact, my brother is getting married very soon and I'm so excited for him and his fiancé! I'm glad they've found each other and wish them nothing but the best. I'm not the slightest bit upset that it's not me having this moment first because I'm the oldest sibling. I'm truly happy for them!
My issue is that there are people who think that I can't be somebody without anyone else. Like there's something wrong with me for still being single and not having any sort of serious relationship, especially at this point in my life. I can hear the lectures already about not finding anyone in undergrad...or grad school...so how can I expect to meet someone at this point? Why not try online dating? (Been there, done that, no thank you very much.)
...
It's been a really rough year thus far. And I'll admit, I haven't done a very good job of just trusting God with all the really crappy situations that have come up. I've complained more than I should and thrown some really awesome pity parties for one. God continues to surround me with people who encourage me and honestly, who put up with me when I'm sure I'm not very fun to be around...
But I've learned so much about myself through all of this. I'm still here. I woke up this morning. I'm still breathing.
God hasn't taken away the struggles. He knows it allows me to grow stronger. I was reading the other night about how we can compare this to butterflies. When you open a chrysalis for the butterfly, it dies because it's not strong enough to fly. When you allow it to struggle, by the time it breaks free, it is strong enough to fly. While I still want God to take away all the hard things, I know that an easy way out isn't going to make me stronger.
How does this all relate to the rant above?
Well... I guess the next person who asks "Is there anyone special in your life?" is going to get an answer that's more than eye rolls and dramatic sighs. There is... Jesus. And I mean that genuinely.
I'll tell you what He's doing in my life and how I'm growing. About how I've learned to dream big dreams again. About how I'm discovering my calling and that scares me so much, but if I never go after it and just try to live comfortably and safely that I'll always be restless and unhappy.
In no way am I saying that I think a serious relationship and marriage are the "safe" and "comfortable" way to do anything. I think marriage is more than "happily every after" and all the lovey-dovey, fairy tale fantasies. It's about having a partner to fulfill your God-given calling. So...you kind of have to be on the same page about what your life's purpose is.
I haven't found my partner. And that's okay. Simply dating around to try to find somebody who will maybe make me happy is frustrating and a waste of time. Again, I'm not saying dating is bad or anything, but I know myself. I've spent so much energy on trying to find "the one" that I've missed out on living life and learning to become the person God has called me to be.
Yeah, there are times that I wonder why I'm still single and think that it would be nice to just have somebody, but I also have figured out in the last few years that I'd rather be alone than be with the wrong person.
So this holiday season, I'll do my best to be more gracious when people ask the nosy questions and provide their two cents on how the clock's ticking and I'll end up alone if I don't get moving.
Don't worry...when the time is right for me, I'll be ecstatic! But I trust God's timing...and He seems to know what He's doing.
"Every single tear you cry, I've cried
Every single dark and lonely night
I've been there, I've been scared
You're not alone, I feel your hurt
In the middle of your night just call
You can run to Me I've felt it all
I've been there, I've been scared
You're not alone, I feel your hurt"
But there is something about this time of the year that I dread... The endless nosy questions about my love life, or lack of one, and then comes the countless attempts to set me up with...well any living, breathing single male that may or may not have anything even kind of in common with me.
Maybe this sounds extremely bitter. Or you think I'm coming from a place of jealousy for everyone who has found their 'someone.' But that's not the case at all. In fact, my brother is getting married very soon and I'm so excited for him and his fiancé! I'm glad they've found each other and wish them nothing but the best. I'm not the slightest bit upset that it's not me having this moment first because I'm the oldest sibling. I'm truly happy for them!
My issue is that there are people who think that I can't be somebody without anyone else. Like there's something wrong with me for still being single and not having any sort of serious relationship, especially at this point in my life. I can hear the lectures already about not finding anyone in undergrad...or grad school...so how can I expect to meet someone at this point? Why not try online dating? (Been there, done that, no thank you very much.)
...
It's been a really rough year thus far. And I'll admit, I haven't done a very good job of just trusting God with all the really crappy situations that have come up. I've complained more than I should and thrown some really awesome pity parties for one. God continues to surround me with people who encourage me and honestly, who put up with me when I'm sure I'm not very fun to be around...
But I've learned so much about myself through all of this. I'm still here. I woke up this morning. I'm still breathing.
God hasn't taken away the struggles. He knows it allows me to grow stronger. I was reading the other night about how we can compare this to butterflies. When you open a chrysalis for the butterfly, it dies because it's not strong enough to fly. When you allow it to struggle, by the time it breaks free, it is strong enough to fly. While I still want God to take away all the hard things, I know that an easy way out isn't going to make me stronger.
How does this all relate to the rant above?
Well... I guess the next person who asks "Is there anyone special in your life?" is going to get an answer that's more than eye rolls and dramatic sighs. There is... Jesus. And I mean that genuinely.
I'll tell you what He's doing in my life and how I'm growing. About how I've learned to dream big dreams again. About how I'm discovering my calling and that scares me so much, but if I never go after it and just try to live comfortably and safely that I'll always be restless and unhappy.
In no way am I saying that I think a serious relationship and marriage are the "safe" and "comfortable" way to do anything. I think marriage is more than "happily every after" and all the lovey-dovey, fairy tale fantasies. It's about having a partner to fulfill your God-given calling. So...you kind of have to be on the same page about what your life's purpose is.
I haven't found my partner. And that's okay. Simply dating around to try to find somebody who will maybe make me happy is frustrating and a waste of time. Again, I'm not saying dating is bad or anything, but I know myself. I've spent so much energy on trying to find "the one" that I've missed out on living life and learning to become the person God has called me to be.
Yeah, there are times that I wonder why I'm still single and think that it would be nice to just have somebody, but I also have figured out in the last few years that I'd rather be alone than be with the wrong person.
So this holiday season, I'll do my best to be more gracious when people ask the nosy questions and provide their two cents on how the clock's ticking and I'll end up alone if I don't get moving.
Don't worry...when the time is right for me, I'll be ecstatic! But I trust God's timing...and He seems to know what He's doing.
"Every single tear you cry, I've cried
Every single dark and lonely night
I've been there, I've been scared
You're not alone, I feel your hurt
In the middle of your night just call
You can run to Me I've felt it all
I've been there, I've been scared
You're not alone, I feel your hurt"
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