Better Than a Hallelujah

Lately, there have been countless posts going up about Robin Williams and his suicide.  I didn't think I was going to jump in and post anything, as everyone seems to have their opinion and I didn't want to share mine, but seeing a few more prompted me this morning.  Let me first say that my heart goes out to his family and friends.  It is a terrible loss.

The post that prompted me this morning was a rant on how selfish suicide is.  While I don't necessarily disagree, it does pain me to see that people are so quick to judge.  Robin Williams didn't think it was selfish.  Having been there a little more recently than I care to admit, he probably felt like it was a good option - no one would have to worry about him anymore or put up with the intense moods that come when battling depression. 

Have you ever considered just how bad a person must feel if they feel that suicide is the only way out and then act on that option?  I don't think it's a decision one takes lightly.  You don't just wake up one morning and decide to end your life.  I battle depression and PTSD every day.  Every day.  And it's really not easy.  While I know how to manage these things, there's no cure.  It doesn't go away.  You don't wake up and magically feel better one day.  It's not something I enjoy talking about because those who don't know what it's like will often write you off as overdramatic, or worse - crazy.  And sometimes I wonder if they're right.  Am I just crazy?  So it's easier to keep my mouth shut and put on a happy face rather than let anyone see just how much I'm hurting.  Before I continue on that track...

The other opinion that is floating around is that suicide is freeing.  I'm sure most of you have seen the post floating around with the Genie hugging Aladdin with the words "Genie, you're free."  Free? I guess in one way yes, you're free from those feelings that torment you day in and day out, but you know what?  You're dead... That's it... And I don't see how death is a good option.

I don't know if Robin Williams believed in Jesus Christ.  I know that Christ is the reason I don't act on my feelings when they become overwhelmingly dark.  I don't think that people understand though that just because you give your life to Christ doesn't mean that the dark thoughts vanish and you're all better.  No...depression is a disease.  I do believe that Christ has the power to heal.  I also understand that we live in a fallen world and life isn't easy here.  There are days I don't want to get up and I don't want to have to face the day.  Sometimes it's just really hard.

But I have to go back to God's promises.  I was put here for a reason and have a purpose.  This is just one of the battles I fight.

"We pour out our miseries

God just hears a melody

Beautiful the mess we are

The honest cries of breaking hearts

Are better than a hallelujah"