Lifeline

So Hillsong Young and Free just released their first album and it's pretty awesome! As of right now, "Lifeline" is my favorite track. The chorus says:

"You took me from the wayside, called me Your own

Throwing me a lifeline, You carried me home

Jesus, You're all I want, You're all I want

Over the horizon is where I look beyond

You're the silver lining breaking through the storm

Jesus, You're all I want, You're all I want"

Lately, so many other things have just been distractions. I'm tired... I'm really tired of defending myself and what I really want and feel called to do. I'm tired of explaining and I'm really tired of fighting. 

I have always picked the safe route. I don't go after what I want because I feel like I'll just fail. But picking the safe route hasn't made me happy. 

Don't get me wrong, I like what I do. But lately I've been kicking myself for not going into music. And why didn't I? Because it's not safe. And I always do the responsible thing. Because I looked up at professional female musicians and realized just how much they sacrifice - relationships, families, etc. And that scared me because I don't want to be alone. 

Lately though, I'm realizing that that shouldn't be my goal and what I pour my hope into. The end goal is not that I get married and that's it - I'll live happily ever after. No... Being with Jesus is the end game. Why is it so often that I'm worried about some potential relationship or lack of one? Shouldn't Jesus be all I want?

All the time I've spent worrying is a waste. And lately I'm just annoyed at myself for worrying about such stupid things. I've reached a point where it's like okay... I don't care anymore! God, I will let go of everything. I want to do what You put me here for. I don't know what that involves, but I'll do it if You're there with me. 

And I know He will be.

I'm not saying that I'm not still insecure about it or that I'm not going to think about these things ever again... Come on, I spend at least one evening a week watching a dumb wedding show with my roommate and while we make fun of it to some extent, there's still the *sigh* I want to wear the big poofy princess dress! When's it my turn?! (And yes critics (you know who you are!) mine will be blue! Why? Cuz I can! And honestly, when am I not trying to push the fashion envelope...)

Our God gives us second chances. And while I may think I've thrown everything off course, that's not true. So...here's to figuring out where to go from here.

"And oh, You are my hope

Jesus forever, You've forgiven my failures

You are my hope

You never let go

Jesus forever, You've forgiven my failures"